THE CHOICE IS MINE

The question has been,

to be or not to be, 

but choice after choice

is it often up to me.

Choices…

About 1.5 years ago, I posted about my daughter and soccer. She had wanted to play at the age of four but her nerves got the best of her. She would freeze on the field. She told me if I was her coach it would help her be less “shy” as she called it.

So I did it. I became her coach for three seasons and she was herself. She hustled and enjoyed playing. Now, it has come to a new season where I can no longer be her coach. And well, those behaviors started again: hands in her mouth, standing around like she is frozen and others. I would be lying if I didn’t add that it is so upsetting as a parent to watch. 

When I asked her what was going on last week, she told me that she starts to feel nervous on the field and thinks about how she doesn’t know anyone really which makes her freeze.

Anxiety

Nervousness

I know them more than I wish I did. 

I wish I could erase them from existence and that my kids never had to experience them. 

I had anxiety at a young age. I certainly felt the social anxiety at her age of almost six. It took me decades to overcome that anxiety, finally in my thirties and by the grace of God. Watching my daughter walk through it, I want to banish it and rescue her from it much like God saved me from mine.

Then, I started to hear in my head what a doctor once told me when my daughter had pooping anxiety (long story for another day and post). “She is predisposed. All your kids are because of you battling it for years.” 

That’s how the enemy tries at me these days as a mom. He tries to use my past not as a blessing but instead a curse. Or rather, he tries to get me to believe that he even has the power to do that when he has NO authority at all!

Truth over lies 

Lies will tell us it’s our fault. They will throw in the guilt and shame and they will try to make us believe that cycles are cycles. 

But the TRUTH will tell us this:

~ Cycles can be broken! 

~ Victory came at the cross. Thank You Jesus!

~ Sure, our children may see our journey, mistakes and all. But our kids witness the rise too! They see our struggles but they see our amazing climb too.

Therefore, there is a choice we must make. Will we dwell on the lies that look to freeze us in the blame too or will we teach our kids to rise too?!

I chose to rise… to rise together. 

I can do this!

You can do this!

My daughter can do this! She will do this! 

Because… God’s got this, teaching us a new level of strength through it all. Through the sleep deprived days like I am walking through now and facing fear like my daughter is currently dealing with.

Let’s teach our kids to lean on God’s Word and strength.

Instead of freezing in the worry, let’s store His Truth in our hearts like…

~ God is making me strong.

~ I can do this with God!

~ Help me Lord.

~ Thank you Lord. 

Because the Truth is the Truth: God is working!

So my daughter and I talked about it. I held back my own emotions because I did not want them to interfere with what God wanted me to speak into and to my daughter. We first prayed. I reached out to my husband and we prayed too. I reached out to some close friends and family to pray as well. And I prayed with my daughter after she experienced what she was feeling. After we talked later that night, she seemed more content and we even read some books about facing fear like book 2 in my children’s series HOW TO BE FEARLESS.

Two days later, the second practice came. On the way there, we recapped what she could do and how she would replace those fears with God’s Words like “God is making me strong.” I also threw in some extrinsic motivation too like a milkshake date with Mama as well as some iPad time to help keep her kind focused on positivity and not those negative taunts of fear. While that practice started much like the first one with my daughter nervously trailing behind everyone, she no longer had her hands in her mouth. I could see her step by step coming out of her shell and becoming more comfortable. We had even come up with a silly gesture I would do back at her if she looked at me while feeling uncomfortable and anxious. (The things we do as parents … God is so in them.) And sure enough by the end, she was participating more and more. Of course, there are still many steps to me made and prayers to continue to pray! But there is HOPE. There always was hope. We need to sometimes stand on it and believe in it before we see it for… that is faith. 

“For we live by faith, not by sight.”

(2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

‭‭(Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

(‭‭Mark‬ ‭9:23‬ ‭NIV‬)

I think of the father in the scripture above who was devastated after failed attempts of the healing of his son. He came to Jesus who assured him that his son would be fully healed if he fully believed.

And so today that is on my mind.

That choice…

To believe in full healing, in full deliverance, in declaring my kids will not be enslaved by anxiety like I once was. Instead, I pray to believe fully and to pray without ceasing, chasing that fear, that liar away time and time again starting right here and right now.

Dear God,

With You all things are possible. Forgive my doubt. We declare the fear and anxiety gone. Thank You for breaking the chains and cycles. You hold the victory of it all. Look over my children and our youth throughout the world. Equip them and us with how to fight off fear and anxiety when it tries to attack. May we store Your Word in our hearts to use to fight in faith. I pray and believe. I believe as I pray and will continue to give You all the glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

(Ps: Please excuse any typos… giving my sleep deprived Mama-self some grace in the editing these days.)