Forgiving Sticks, Stones and Words too

It has been said that words can never hurt though sticks and stones can break a bone. But now I know God is greater and: we are all already known. 

I was bullied.

It was not in elementary school. 

Not in middle school

It was not even in high school.

It was in college.

BUT: the fact that it happened to me DOES NOT make me weak. Instead, it truly ROSE up a STRENGTH I didn’t know I had. #godsstrength

I was ashamed of it for the longest time. Even after removing myself from those people for good at the age of 21, I held onto the acts and words. I hadn’t even realized it but I had stored it deep down where really I should’ve been storing the words of God. However, I hadn’t read the Bible yet so I didn’t know to lean on what God said about me. I didn’t even know what He said. I didn’t have those truthful words stored in my heart for times like those. Therefore, I stayed in situations and around people who were not good for me. 

I didn’t admit it was bullying until I was in my late twenties. I did not even admit it happened until years upon years later. Instead, I justified why it happened and tried to believe the lie that at least I always had something to do during that time. I mean I had other friends who I hung out with but this select crowd always knew a party to go to or the place to be. 

During those college years, there were people God sent along the way to get me to see it, to get me to stop hanging out with the wrong people and I knew it. However, I stubbornly hung on to wrong crowds and things for me because quite honestly, my confidence was lacking and I was filling it with worldly activities that would never truly satisfy me. They appeared to and I pretended they did in the moment. Yet, they just depleted me more and more, both physically and emotionally. 

So time after time, I got myself stuck in terrible situations like the time they publicly mocked me for being a virgin in front of an entire basketball team on my birthday. Still, God is so good! He was there. I was talking to Him but I wasn’t always listening to hear what He was guiding me to do or not do. There were times though I heard and knew… times His grace was so much more than I ever deserved. Isn’t it always? 

And by the grace of God, I once again reached a level of enough is enough and walked away. 

Bullying has been around for ages. The passing of centuries does NOT make it right though. Think of Daniel, Esther and even Jesus in the Bible. They all faced unfair treatment and/or situations where unjust treatment was present. For Daniel, it was direct and for Esther, it was that she was a witness to it. Let’s focus on Daniel today though. Daniel did what was right and others did not like that about him. Therefore, they conspired against him. 

“At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. Finally these men said, “We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God.” So these administrators and satraps went as a group to the king and said: “May King Darius live forever! The royal administrators, prefects, satraps, advisers and governors have all agreed that the king should issue an edict and enforce the decree that anyone who prays to any god or human being during the next thirty days, except to you, Your Majesty, shall be thrown into the lions’ den.” (‭‭Daniel‬ ‭6:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

They tricked the king into passing a law that would make praying illegal for Daniel. Therefore, when he was caught in prayer, he was thrown into the lion’s den. Even though he was thrown into the den, he still prayed and God delivered him safely. Wait what?!? (That part always amazes and convicts me to step up my prayer life.)

Soon after, the king fasted and saw judgment on those men who had tricked him into signing the law, throwing those bullies into the den themselves. Still, in my experience, we don’t often see the punishment of the person who comes at us. And what I have learned is … that is okay! God is a just God. He sees and knows. We can trust Him for judgment but we cannot hold it stored inside when we are meant for more. We must make room and that brings us to some important principles. 

There are several noteworthy lessons including ones about boundaries, prayer and forgiveness…

To start, forgiveness brings freedom. I didn’t realize that I still held onto those moments and experiences. I was bitter and angry deep down and felt like no one even saw what they had done to me. But God knows and sees. 

Holding onto that hurt was only hurting me. 

Therefore, during a time of fasting and a Sunday sermon years ago, we were asked if we were holding onto any unforgiveness and if we were, to ask God to help us lift it up to Him, to let go and to forgive. I was convicted to forgive them at that moment but the enemy was feeding me lies…

But don’t they deserve to get what they did to you? How dare they! Imagine how many others they may have done this to. And perhaps the one I heard the most during that time: there must be something wrong with you that they picked you to do this too. 

All lies. 

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies!!!!

I knew it was time to let go and that sometimes forgiveness does not even need to involve us telling the person who mistreated us we forgive them. It is often not safe to do so and not logical. And God calls us to be smart and wise in these situations too. We do not forgive to save the other person, we do it so we can live the abundant life God has for us. We can pray for them to be changed and to know God. 

Therefore, forgiveness is key to freedom. 

True freedom comes from Christ.

He leads us by the power of the Holy Spirit to experience it more deeply through such acts as forgiveness. 

So while Daniel continued to pray and be faithful to His relationship with God, there is also another lesson I was convicted of and that came from Jesus. Jesus teaches us boundaries. He teaches us that there will be “bullies” and/or those who don’t understand us, and who don’t want to. They are not good for us and we must not spend time focusing on them. However, we must set boundaries apart from them. We cannot allow them to steal our focus and deter us from our God-given purpose. 

We cannot listen to the lies that the devil will try to make us believe through such situations. Instead, we must store God’s words in our heart so we know the Truth.

-We are loved. 

-We are chosen.

-We are known.

-We are beautifully created. 

My students and own kids taught me that I needed to forgive. I wanted freedom fully because I wanted to teach them what the truth is and not to believe, even for a second, that someone’s opinion of them can be truer than God’s.

Who God says we are…  is true! 

People mistreat others for many reasons. I can’t help but to think those against Daniel were driven by jealousy and envy. He was too good. They couldn’t handle it. But that is not our burden to hold. 

Let’s build up a generation who knows Godly principles like: 

-It is a blessing to wait for marriage to have sex.

-We are wonderfully created in the womb for such a distinct and beautiful purpose.

-We don’t need to be like everyone else. We aren’t meant to be like everyone else!

-We don’t need to compare our walks with someone else’s.

-We don’t need to stay around people and things that are not, or no longer good for us.

-We are NOT in a competition with others either. 

Somehow, we begin at a young age to think winning is about being better than others, when really it has nothing to do with us and them, and everything to do with us and GOD. Maybe that’s why people become mean to others. But the truth is: I don’t know why people do what they do and like a dear friend said to me a few months ago… we waste so much time trying to figure people out. 

So I’ll lift that up too. 

We win when we learn that we don’t need to compete for our God-given purpose, and we certainly don’t need to hang around people who are not good for us either. God created us with talents and purpose, they are gifts. 

Still, there’s this societal lie that deceives people into believing they need to compare. They need to compete. They need to tear people down in order to get ahead in life. However, the Truth of God’s Word teaches otherwise. There is beauty in knowing we were all created with our own distinctly beautiful purpose while encouraging others to do the same. We can lean into faith, taking steps of obedience and trusting God’s guidance in becoming who He created us to be. We cannot fully do that if we are preoccupied with someone else’s walk or competing for what is not meant for us. We do that in the lifting, lifting it up to God and lifting up others in kindness and love. And that means us too. 

The Art of a Messy House Right Here Right Now challenge this week is to reflect:

-Do you need to forgive anyone, maybe it is even yourself? I needed to forgive myself for entertaining some people and places for those three years of my life when I had other people who loved me right there. Do you need to walk away from anything and anyone? Ask God to help you. It is not easy. But God wants us to live an abundant life. There are trained counselors and support out there too to help as well. Reach out to someone to help guide you. It can be an adult, friend, family member or church member who you trust.

Or if this does not apply to you, reach out to others to be the one who helps, the one who shows up in kindness, the one who speaks of the Good News (the Gospel.) Don’t believe for a second the lies anyone has said to you. 

I have been changed and convicted, and now I want it differently for our youth. I want to instill Godly principles into their lives so that insecurities transform into the security of knowing how wonderfully created they are. For we can stand boldly and humbly knowing we are who God says we are, created for such purpose (Ephesians 2:10). It’s why I published HOW TO BE YOU in the children’s part of The Art of a Messy House series. It empowers readers to fix their focus on God, who He designed us to be and this amazing Truth: 

No one can be who God created YOU to be.

No one can be who God created ME to be.

No one can be YOU. 

No one can be ME.

However, I do pray today that though that experience is two decades behind me, that I not only walk in my God-given purpose, using my gifts, but that I do it in His anointing, that I follow the prompts of the Holy Spirit and store God’s faithful and true words in my heart. I pray that for us all right here and right now. 

And while we are at it, whether we have kids or not, let’s raise up and pray for a bold but kind next generation. Because the reality is: kindness is strength! Kindness is bold. Kindness holds courage and inspires us all young or old. Kindness is love. Truth be told. 

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” (‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:24‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

(‭‭John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

Dear God, 

You are good. Freedom comes from You. I want true freedom. I thank You for Your grace and mercy that I never deserved. Thank you for your forgiveness. Forgive me. Help me forgive others and lift up all situations to You so that I can walk and true freedom and deliverance, breathing deeper than ever before. I pray to those who come against me as hard as it is. I pray that they learn of Your love and Your truth and let their hearts soften. I pray for protection over those people right now who are being bullied or mistreated. I pray that they are delivered from their situation and that they are brought to safety and healing so that they can truly know how much You love them. They have distinct purpose no matter what or who says what about them. I pray that they know that deep within their soul. I pray for those who are mistreating others right now. Work within their hearts and change them so that they can go and change communities for You. I pray today for anointing on the gifts that You have given us. I pray for Your anointing over them. Because without you Lord, you cannot do any of it. May we realize that walking in Your strength and Your plans for us is where true beauty unfolds, lives change and freedom is found. Thank you Lord for this day I will give it to You. May we walk and live abundantly in it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.