Tag Archives: Moments

Anniversaries

We must celebrate relationships in our lives and anniversaries are a perfect time to do that. Even though it is just one day of the year, it is often difficult to find time for even the people who mean the most to us. My husband is my rock and while it has been 14 years since we met and 10 years of marriage, he continues to be the best decision I ever made.

I was 27 years of age when we got married and still really relied on the opinions of others at the time. The beach wedding I wanted was frowned upon and even the fitted dress I wanted received those frowns too. Therefore, to steer clear of any more added drama on our special day, I made decisions based on others not completely on what my heart was telling me. Still, we had a perfect day, truly one of the best days of my life.

A few years after our wedding, I told my husband that if we ever remarried (of course to each other), I would do things the way we felt was right for us, not what was right for others. I then forgave those people and even myself for that time, acknowledging how much I had grown. It was then we also came up with a great idea: we would renew our vows at 10 years on the beach in the town where we met!

So two days ago we did just that! We renewed our love with personally written vows to each other’s and engraved wedding bands. We brought our children, parents and aunt to come to the beach where it all started 14 plus years ago. (I even got to wear a fitted white dress.) It was beyond special and perfect! God even held the rain until right afterwards.

Life is about these moments. In life, it is often easy to celebrate the big ones like weddings. However, we must make the time for the smaller moments too. They deserve to be celebrated too!

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

https://www.bible.com/111/ecc.4.12.niv

Though my husband and I are there to support and defend each other, it really helps having God as the first strand in our cord of three. “A triple braided cord is not easily broken.” Life is filled with highs and lows, mountains and valleys. However, it is with that added support of faith that we can better climb together tied to the strongest rope possible for when we fall. I know it is hard to take a single hair band out of my daughter’s curly hair as it can easily get tangled. We are like that single band when we stand alone. God must come first. And even though I fought that for so long, His undeserving grace led my husband and I together over fourteen years ago.

My blue eyed dream come true.

My answered prayer.

“You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ’cause
Everything’s going to be alright ” – “No one” by Alicia Keyes

But remember anniversaries only come once a year, we must try to make the time to celebrate the important people and relationships we have throughout the year too.

Love always finds a way… if we let it.

Love is always the answer.

So I’m striving to continue to make sure my priorities are in order and to value my friendships and relationships even more.

My goal is to celebrate my marriage by making the time for it each day … even if that means that some nights the kitchen counter id let an unorganized mess.

How will you be remembered?

james & katie

During a few teachable moments throughout each year, I ask my students to think about how they wish to be remembered. However, it is not just a message for middle school students. It is also one everyone can reflect on including myself. Despite any mess we may be walking or even sitting in, we all have purpose. Our stories are our greatest testimonies.

On the toughest days, place your hand on your heart. Feel that? That is purpose! You are alive for a reason. Keep moving and believingkeep learning to live.

Keep moving forward step by step even if it is uncomfortable at first. And forgive yourself if you slip up and fall back. Today is a new day for a reason. Never give up, no matter how messy life gets. For it is in the mess, new beauty can be found. So hold on boldly to this wild and precious ride we call life.

For it will change you as you change the world in your own unique, and beautiful way. But first remember the change starts within…

Tbt – Holding On for “Deer” Life

Today, we throw it back to last December and early January right after TJ’s anaphylactic reaction.   Here is one of my first blog posts. It gives a perfect account of what was going on during that time…


DECEMBER 26, 2014-JANUARY 8, 2015

Quite frankly, I was in a major funk these days.   I was putting all my energy into still being my happy self in front of my son; however, I was an absolute mess when he was not around.   A lot happened during these two weeks…

  1. We took my son to have allergy testing through blood work.   We saw an excellent guy who was able to get a lot of blood.   When these results came back, it was confirmed that now my son was allergic to OAT and BARLEY in addition to the skin tested allergens of WHEAT, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, DAIRY, and EGGS. Therefore, I cut out the few items that I was eating that contained oat and barley.

  2. I also realized that my favorite non-dairy creamer for my coffee was not dairy free so I cut it out. I cried…

  3. I then realized that I should not be eating tootsie roll lollipops everyday like I had been doing when I pumped. (It was my treat twice a day…I never liked chocolate much before being pregnant.) However, it contains milk so I cut these out too and yes, I cried again…It sounds silly what I was crying about.   I think I just kept feeling like more and more food that I enjoyed were being taken away. And even worse, I felt like I had been hurting my son for so many months and had no clue.  (While no one can confirm this, I truly hope and pray that I helped him during those 7.5 months of breastfeeding before my elimination diet started.

  4. I met with Nutritionist #1.   She basically told me that I may have celiacs disease which I definitely do not. However, I kindly took all of her materials and thanked her for her advice. She did tell me that I could eat goat cheese so I stopped and bought some on the way home.  However, my son’s allergist soon told me that was NOT the case. As I threw out the goat cheese, I cried again…

  5. I met with an orthopedic for a severe pain in my left thumb/wrist.   I had read about what I thought I had, “Mommy Thumb.” Sure enough, the doctor confirmed this and told me that I needed a cortisone shot in the area. A few days after the shot, the pain went away for three weeks.   But, then came back even worse.

  6. I found a lump on my right breast.   I freaked out. I went to my gynecologists’ office twice about it and called four times.   Yes, I do sound crazy and I am sure that they thought I was too. At the first visit, I was told it was a torn muscle. Then, a day later as the pain got worse, the doctor told me that it was a clogged milk duct and called in a medication for me if it got infected.   However, I never went to get it.  Lots of massaging, pumping, and nursing did the job.

    During these two weeks,  I was definitely depressed.  I truly thought that everything was falling apart, that I had messed up everything, and that there was nothing that I could do to fix it.  I had an intense sense of impending doom.   Since I have experienced a couple times in my life where I suffered from depression and anxiety, I knew that this was what it was.   However, I needed to stop it.  I had to for my son.   I had to take care of myself for him.   I just couldn’t figure out how to do this. One day I caught myself obsessing over how much I was eating, measuring and remeasuring my food.   While I had never stopped counting calories and measuring food, I had not limited myself in close to 20 years.   I recognized some of these behaviors that I was doing as the start of an eating problem again. Yet, I could not stop.   My life seemed to be out of my control and this was one thing that I could control.  I was losing a couple more pounds with this elimination diet.  I probably needed to add more daily calories because of the way that my body was metabolizing this rather healthy elimination diet.  In fact, I was having dizzy spells too.

    Because of a lingering cold, I went to my actual doctor and had blood work done to make sure that I was not deficient in any areas.   I was falling apart quicker than I could catch myself. Yet, I felt like I was doing something right. Even if I was failing at everything else,   I made my son smile on…


Looking back to that early entry, it is evident how overwhelming anxiety and stress can be.   I do believe that following my son’s initial allergic reaction, I suffered some post traumatic stress. I remember feeling like I was not fit to be a mother and feeling beyond guilty as to why I ever thought I was.  However, I continued to pray for strength because I could not do this alone.

It was through those prayers that I was reminded one morning of why I initially even decided that I was ready to be a mom…

Before my son, I loved my life of spending time with my husband, my job and tutoring until late, traveling to gorgeous beaches when we wanted, Saturday afternoon wine tastings, dinners out, hanging out with friends, and other events that revolved around wine. I felt that I wasn’t ready to be a mom… yet knew I wanted kids.   Therefore, after 3.5 years of being married, I prayed that God would send me a sign that it was time.   I was so scared to take that leap on my own especially since I had seen and heard how relationships became got a lot more difficult after kids. I was afraid of this…I was afraid of change.

After several months of no signs and not feeling any differently, while driving to my last tutoring session of the evening, I started to think about what it would be like to have a child.   In that exact moment, I saw a beautiful deer crossing the road right in front me.  Stopping to let her go, I then noticed that two tiny fawns trotted right along her side.

FAWN

While I had seen plenty of deer in my life, this was by far one of the most remarkable moments because of its perfect timing. It was then that I knew I was more than ready to take this leap into motherhood. It was in that exact moment I knew I had forever changed.

God’s work in my life always astonishes me.  During that morning of praying for strength, he reminded me of that very deer and her fawns. It was then that I knew everything was going to be more than okay and that maybe it was not about holding on for dear life.   Instead, maybe I needed to let go and trust that God’s grace would be there opening my eyes to see wings I never knew existed. 

WINGS

To conclude but only for now, as I was packing up my belongings at school this past Tuesday, I noticed that my window was open.   As I walked over to close it, I noticed a giant leaf sitting on the sill.   Just when I was going to push this outside, I noticed that I was mistaken.   It was a large praying mantis.  In all of my life, I have only seen one of these beautifully unique creatures and that was during my childhood. While I do not yet know the meaning of this, I once again believe it symbolizes that something amazing is up ahead for us.

prayign mantis

With all of this, my smiles have been turned to genuine as I continue to join my son in smiling on…

tj cartoon TBT


Do believe in signs? If so, was there ever a time when one of these signs transformed you?


“If I told you my story
You would hear hope that wouldn’t let go
If I told you my story
You would hear love that never gave up
If I told you my story
You would hear life but it wasn’t mine…”

– “My Story” by Big Daddy Weave

Source: http://www.klove.com/music/artists/big-daddy-weave/songs/my-story-lyrics.aspx

Worry-Free Wednesdays -The True Value of a Moment

MOMENTS

Dr. Seuss was one smart guy. While it has been a tough week for TJ with a bad eczema flare up, red rashes, hives, flu-like symptoms, and not eating much at all, this quote brings me back to where I need to be.   It reminds me that despite our challenges that these moments will become some of the greatest memories.   We can’t wish them away in worry.  Instead, we need to embrace them.  Life is too beautiful and precious despite its challenges. How can we truly live even through the tough times?


About a year ago during a phase of sleep regression aka sleep deprivation, a friend sent me this. It really hit home for me and touches upon this topic of living in the moments, good or bad, because life is a series of these phases…

It’s Just a Phase

Source: http://www.elephantjournal.com


For much of my life, I let worry take away from some amazing times. Looking back at some of these moments, they are memories that I cherish.   How can that be? How can we let moments like that slip away?

On the other hand, I have a brother who is 1 year, 1 month and 1 day younger than me and he did the opposite.   He always made sure to LIVE his life to the fullest.   I envied him for years for that. That envy has turned into respect and inspiration.   It is a respect that has inspired me to make the changes in my life that were needed. Individuals like my brother are often misunderstood; however, they should be our biggest inspirations.  I know he was and is one of mine.   It is my goal to savor this life through the best and even the worst moments. They make for some of the best memories.


Last Spring, on our long car rides to work and day care, one of the songs that I played for us was “I Lived” by One Republic.   The lyrics to this song are some of my favorite as they are about truly living life.   So as I smile on because I have never felt more empowered, I share these lyrics….

“Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I’ll say

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With every broken bone, I swear I lived
With every broken bone, I swear I

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived”

Untitled design(2)

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose?
That I could be living right nowI don’t wanna miss what matters
I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose
So I can start living right now
Outside my own little world, my own little world, my own little world”
– “My Own Little World” by Matthew West
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My Random Musings