Since December when we learned the hard way about all of TJ’s food allergies, I would be lying if I denied that there were not days that I wished away. I wished away the moments because I was so fearful of a reaction that I could not wait until nighttime came so that I could be relaxed that I had kept him safe another day. Then, I would start to feel so guilty for thinking that and doubting myself as a good parent. Before all of this, I had truly felt like I was great as this new role of Mommy. TJ was thriving and so happy all the time. I felt that that had to do with how we were both raising him. The world of food allergies and eczema truly made me doubt all of that for awhile. That irrational thinking was definitely not helping any of us at all. Therefore, with lots of prayer and faith in God,I have really been recreated, for lack of better words, as a different, stronger person. However, since I have always been one who cannot tell a lie, I must admit that there are still moments, not days, when I start to wish away to a day when we can all eat dinner together like a family or when I don’t need to worry about issues like cross contamination. As awful as that sounds, it is simply the truth. It doesn’t make me a horrible mom like I used to feel about it. Instead, it shows how much I care as long. However, I didn’t want to waste my days away worrying anymore. I have always been a planner who writes everything out and then gets right to accomplishing that list. “Don’t put off until tomorrow, what you can do today” has always been my motto in life…really, to a fault sometimes. Anyways, since eczema and food allergies are beyond my total control, time has become my friend. While I trust in God to heal TJ, I do have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy all of these moments even the stressful ones because they will soon become some of the most cherished memories of my life. Here is the link to a poem that helps me to remember this exact thing as we smile on…
http://www.bellebebes.co.uk/2014/08/the-last-time/
